


These Arms of Mine

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:24:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair try to figure out why they've been at each other's throats, lately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Arms of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> The holiday, in case you were wondering, is New Year's Eve.

## These Arms of Mine

by Mona Ramsey

* * *

"These Arms Of Mine"  
by MonaR.  
monaram@yahoo.com 

"Hey, Sandburg!" 

"Hey, Joel." 

"So, where is she?" 

"I beg your pardon?" 

"You know - your date." Joel looked around. "Is she meeting you here later?" 

Blair chuckled. "There is no _she_ tonight, Joel." 

Joel clutched at his chest in shock. "What? Blair Sandburg coming to one of these black-tie death marches _solo_?" He shook his head in sorrow. "I'm disappointed, man. How am I supposed to date vicariously through you if you're not dating?" 

"I don't know, my man," Blair said, in sympathy. "I've heard those 976 numbers are fun." 

"On my salary? Please. First Jim, and now you. I expected at least _one_ of you to have Cascade's version of Cindy Crawford on your arm for this thing." 

"Not me," Blair said, raising a hand for emphasis. "I've given up supermodels for my New Year's resolution. This year, I'm going strictly for substance in my love life." 

"Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it." Joel was still shaking his head. "I've gotta go get a drink and try to get over it." 

"See you later, Joel," Blair said, with a laugh. He turned, and scanned the ballroom, looking around for his partner, roommate, Sentinel - and date for the evening. 

It wasn't hard to spot him - even the height advantage was secondary to the fact that the man looked positively _edible_ in a tux. "Niiiiice," Blair whispered from his vantage point. He'd only barely got through the doors before Joel corralled him, but he knew that Jim would hear him, even from across the room. 

Blue eyes turned and focused on him. A smile lasered its way across the ballroom floor, and Blair felt the magnetic pull of his lover propelling him to the Sentinel's side. 

Lover. A new word - a _good_ word, a long time coming. 

* * *

They'd been friends since the second they saw each other, something kindred and primal drawing them into each other's lives, and the friendship was hard-tested - by Sentinel abilities, the rigours of police work, and the very real problems of getting two extremely disparate personalities to mesh nearly twenty-four hours a day. Lately, they'd been pissing each other off much more than usual - fighting about stupid things as well as important ones - until it felt like each day was just one long argument with no resolution. 

They'd almost - just almost - agreed to part; to pack up and go their separate ways. Blair found himself job-hunting in earnest, replying to offers from schools that a year before had been tossed without a second thought, and Jim pulled further and further away from him, going out on assignments alone or with his new partner, leaving him out of conversations, and the apartment they still shared felt filled with ghosts of a friendship that had died. 

Finally, Blair couldn't get past it anymore. He started to pack. There were empty dorm rooms available on an emergency basis through the summer, and he'd be able to stay there until he figured out what school to transfer to, or at least found a new apartment in Cascade. Sorting through what to keep and what to toss was like taking a trip down memory lane, and it was a slow business. There were pictures, notes, test results, books, clothes - most of them remnants from his relationship with Jim. 

His _friendship_ with Jim. 

He was sitting in his room, reading, with half-full boxes scattered around the floor, when he heard the apartment door opening. A year ago, he would have called out; a year ago, Jim would have cared enough to come to his door and see what he was doing. He said nothing, and continued shuffling through papers. 

"Blair, what the hell - " The bedroom door swung open, and Jim stood there, an empty milk container in his hand. 

"Oh, sorry, Jim. I forgot to get some more. I'll go out tonight and do it." 

Jim nodded. He looked stricken. "Spring cleaning?" he asked, finally. 

"Yeah, something like that." Blair tossed a handful of paper and rough notes into a garbage bag. 

"You're leaving, aren't you?" 

Blair nodded. "Yeah. It's time, isn't it? We've \- " he trailed off. 

"Your thesis is done." 

"Yup." 

"So there's no reason to stay." 

"None that I can see." 

Jim nodded, his eyes shuttered tight from all feeling. "Well, if you need any help with anything, just let me know." 

"Don't worry, Jim," Blair sighed. "I've got some friends lined up to help me." He turned back to the pile of notes and continued to sift. 

Jim's voice startled him. "And I don't count as one, is that what you're saying?" 

"What?" 

"A friend. You said that you have _friends_ to help you." 

"Yeah - you've heard of them, right?" Blair could feel his anger beginning to rise, and although a small voice inside of him told him to just let it go, all of a sudden he just couldn't. "People who talk to you, tell you things, _include_ you in things. Give a damn whether you live or die. Friends. You should get some." 

"I thought I had." 

"Yeah, I know - Simon and Joel. They'll get you through anything." 

"And you. What about you?" 

"What about me, Jim? Neither one of us has been particularly 'friendly' since I handed my thesis in." Blair felt his anger subsiding, pricked like a limp balloon. "I just need to do this, and get out of your - " 

"Hair?" Jim asked, with a grin. 

Blair chuckled, then turned quickly away. "Yeah," he said, his voice low. 

"Blair - " He could feel Jim close behind him, so close that the heat in between them seemed charged with electricity. "I don't want you to go because of me." 

"I'm not going because of you, Jim," Blair said, shaking his head, staring out the window into the darkness outside. "I'm going because of _us_." 

It had to have been a good five minutes before he got the courage to turn around, sure that when he did, he'd be alone in the room. But Jim was still there, still behind him, and he looked - like he'd been pole-axed. There was anguish in his eyes, and questions - Blair thought he could see _thousands_ of questions there, unasked. 

"It's true, isn't it? Whatever we have has changed - not just because of the end of my thesis, not just because you have a new partner at work. We're - we've - " 

"Fallen in love with you," Jim said, then cleared his throat in an attempt to bolster his faltering voice. "I've fallen in love with you." 

"Me, too," Blair laughed. It was a desperate sound. "How the _hell_ did that happen? Why didn't we know? What are we _doing_?" 

"Well, it looks to me as though we're breaking up because we're in love with each other." 

"I'm not - and _you_ \- you're not - " Blair couldn't even get his thoughts to translate into English. "We aren't gay. Neither one of us." 

"Yeah. But we're in love with each other." 

"Yeah." 

"So what do we do now?" 

"I have no idea. I've never even considered another man in that way, Jim. I'm not a homophobe \- at least, I never _thought_ that I was. But this - this is freaking me out. I can't imagine not having you in my life, not being with you. I told myself that this was temporary, that we were friends, that when you asked me to move out, I'd go. And you never did! Why didn't you? It would have made this easier." 

"I didn't want you to go, Chief. I wanted you to be here, with me, where I could see you and talk to you and listen to you - " He paused, then continued, "And hear your heartbeat at night when you sleep. And watch you when I didn't think you noticed me." 

"Jim - " 

"Blair. I need to hear you say it. Say it." 

"Jim - " 

"Say it." 

"I love you." 

They both looked feral, afraid, terrified. Little words, a conversation that probably never should have happened but did, and then - 

"I want to kiss you, Blair." 

"Okay." Blair looked shocked at himself, then laughed. "Okay," he said, again. 

They kissed, awkward, tentative, shy. Blair felt as though he'd never kissed anyone before, couldn't ever remember a time in his life when he'd been kissed, even on the cheek, by another man. He didn't know where to put his hands, his mouth, his nose, anything. 

But Jim drew him in. Jim, so much larger and stronger and more secure, used to knowing what to do in any life-threatening situation, going on instinct and nerve endings, pulled Blair against him and tongued open his lips, giving him a proper kiss. A real kiss. 

And kept kissing him, smiling to himself when he felt Blair's hands against his back, pressing their bodies tighter together. The kiss was breath- and thought-stealing, both unreal and wildly, terrifically real. He didn't want it to end, ever. 

But it had to. They couldn't keep kissing forever. And when kissing ended, what was there? 

"Jim." Blair's voice was ragged. 

"Yes?" 

"I don't know what we're doing." 

"Me, neither." He stopped, his eyes still closed, still holding on to Blair. "I want more." 

"I know. So do I. I don't know how I can want you, but I do." 

"Maybe we should take some time." 

"Okay." 

They looked at each other. 

"I don't want to," Blair said. 

"Neither do I." 

"Maybe we could just - kiss each other until we figure out what to do?" 

Jim's smile almost split his face. "Sounds good to me." 

* * *

They turned kissing into necking, and spent that first night together - fully clothed, with a blanket sleepily pulled over themselves, in Jim's bed. Kissing was good, very good, and it slowly turned into touching and exploring and then love-making. It took a long time to get naked, longer to figure out what felt good and what was too much and what wasn't enough. It was a long time before the wonder of being attracted to a _male_ body wore off, old inhibitions surfacing and then being scattered to the wind. It was astonishing to realize, but they had fallen in love with each other a _long_ time before they began to feel desire, and it was the love between them that _fuelled_ their desire, not the other way around. 

After years of trying to convince himself that he loved the person and not the package that person came in, Blair was surprised to realize that it was true. It was only by loving Jim that he had learned how to love Jim's body, how to go from being a leg-man and a breast-man to a _Jim_ -man. Sex was still sex, it was just different; the feelings were the same - heightened, even, by newness and the reciprocation of love. It was stranger than hell, but he had to admit to himself that it never would have happened if he hadn't been open to having the feelings in the first place, on some level that he wasn't even really aware of. It was surprisingly easy for him to learn to appreciate Jim's body because it _was_ Jim's. 

And Jim was amazing, more curious than even himself, open to anything. He was a hell of a guy. They were really, really lucky. 

* * *

"Hey." 

"Oh, hi, Blair." 

"Simon." Blair turned, a smile in his eyes. "Jim." 

"Hey, Chief." 

They hadn't 'outed' themselves yet, not entirely sure how to do it, or even if they should. If someone figured it out, then fine, but until then \- it wasn't a secret, but it was nice to keep it between themselves, while they could. 

Black tie, New Year's Eve party in the ballroom at the Mayor's. They were expected to attend as city officials, and had for the past several years. This year was the first time that they had come without 'dates'. 

They excused themselves from Simon and walked over to the buffet. 

"So, what were you talking to Joel about?" 

"Oh, just the fact that I don't have a date tonight." 

"Simon mentioned the same thing about me. I think he's trying to set me up with someone." 

"Yeah? Anyone I know?" 

Jim grinned. "I don't think so, Chief. I'm not looking for anyone," he lowered his voice, "except maybe the cute guy in the tux beside me." 

"Oh, really? 'Cute', eh? I can live with cute." 

"Good." 

"I was thinking more along the lines of 'studmuffin'." 

Jim choked. "Blair - quit it! You make champagne come out of my nose, and you're a dead man." 

Blair just grinned. "Yeah, yeah. So how long do we have to stay at this thing before we can make a break for it?" 

"Ten minutes?" 

"I got all dressed up for _ten_ minutes? I don't think so." 

"Oh. What do you think?" 

"At least an hour. Then, we make a break for it." 

"Deal." 

* * *

It was a long hour. Simon introduced Jim to no less than three women, and Joel did the same thing to Blair. They danced politely, rebuffed even more politely, and returned to the same table to talk to each other for the rest of the time. 

"You know, neither of you are going to meet anyone if you spend all of your time together," Simon finally said, sitting down between them. His date was in the powder room. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right, Simon," Jim said, with a grin. 

"People might get the wrong idea," Blair added. 

"We wouldn't want _that_ , would we, Chief?" 

"Of course not, Jim." 

The band started to play again, and Simon's date returned. They retired to the dance floor, Simon protesting to no avail. Blair and Jim watched him with good-natured grins on their faces, and then sat, listening to the music. 

It was an old favourite, and the band's female singer came out front and center. 

"Mmm, good song," Blair said, closing his eyes. 

"You want to dance?" 

"Love to," Blair smiled, his eyes still closed. Jim didn't say anything, and he opened them again \- to find the Sentinel standing up with his hand outstretched. 

"Let's dance, then." 

"Jim - " 

"The lights are low. Maybe nobody will notice. Maybe _everybody_ will notice. You want to dance, and so do I." He held out his hand again. "Let's dance." 

Disbelief clouding every moment, Blair stood up. The song was half-over by the time they reached the dance floor, but they slid into each other's arms. There were cops all over the place, politicians, and other members of Cascade's elite, all coupled and dancing. And at the very edge of the crowd were two men, one of Cascade's finest and his 'partner', dancing alongside them. 

These arms of mine  
They are burning  
Burning from wanting you  
These arms of mine  
They are wanting  
Wanting to hold you 

And if you  
Just let them hold you  
How grateful I will be  
C'mon, c'mon baby  
Just be my man  
Just be my lover  
I need someone  
Somebody to hold me tight  
And I need  
Your warm, warm loving arms  
Around me tonight 

"So, if we go into Simon's office Monday morning and he says you're fired, what will you say?" 

"I can't get fired for being gay, Blair." 

"Okay, so what if the rest of the cops on the force make your life miserable?" 

"I've known these guys for ten years. If they make my life miserable - " He paused for a moment. "They can't. You're the only one who has that power over me, Chief." 

Blair smiled. "Yeah." 

"Besides, what makes you think that Simon's going to wait until _then_? As soon as this dance is over, he'll be right here asking both of us if we've lost our minds, and you know it." 

"True." 

"And I'll say, 'Simon, it was worth it.'" Jim paused. "Are you mad?" 

"Mad that everyone knows that you're taken? Nope." 

"You know what I mean." 

"You mean, would I have _chosen_ to come out at a public event like this? Not necessarily. But you know what, Jim?" 

"What?" 

"It was worth it." 

The End  
MonaR.  
monaram@iname.com/monaram@mailcity.com 


End file.
